


regret

by lionkid (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dogs, Domestic, Fluff, It's mostly dogs though, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 16:24:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10193876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/lionkid
Summary: One fateful day, Phil Lester walks into a pet shop to look at some bunnies. He leaves with a dog.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [noogaloo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noogaloo/gifts).



> written as part of the @pinofsAP (twitter)
> 
> based on nikki @goldsaucr's dog OC milo, written for nikki himself. love you, you big dog loving nerd ❤

It wasn't exactly okay to gift yourself for someone else's birthday, but—the pet shop's window looked so enticing he couldn't help stopping by, just to take a look at the newborn rabbit kits. At least that was what Phil told himself multiple times before he gave in and strolled out of the shelter, holding a fat corgi through the entire ride home even though he was too weak for it.

Phil wondered if the adoption process should be that easy. What if he had been a criminal? A puppy murderer? He decided not to think about it too much.

Going up the stairs in their building was an extremely extenuating task. Milo seemed to mock Phil and refused to exercise at all. Phil ended up carrying the dog up the flight of stairs and struggled to ring the doorbell.

Phil heard footsteps and the sound of a very tall person running into everything in his way. Dan opened the door. “Hi,” he said.

“Bark,” Milo said.

That was Dan Howell’s and Milo Lester’s first interaction.

* * *

There was an adoption certificate. It read:

> _Milo Lester_
> 
> _One year old Pembroke Welsh Corgi_
> 
> _Adopted June 9th 2017_

And some other things Dan didn't care about. He slammed the table, snapping Phil out of his Steam sale-induced daze. “You gave the dog your last name,” he said.

“Yes?” Phil nodded.

“You—isn't the dog my birthday gift?”

“Yes?” He repeated. It wasn't the complete and unadulterated truth, but Phil wasn't about to let him know that.

Dan sighed. “Then _why_ does it have your last name and not mine?”

“Because… I got the dog?”

“But it's my gift! It should be named after me,” Dan said. His voice went all high-pitched and whiny, like it always did when he wanted something.

However, Phil was a man of strong resolve when it came to dogs and houseplants. “I got him, I brought him home, I get to name him.”

“Fine, so _you're_ going to feed and walk him and clean up after him, I hope you know that.”

The mention of feeding made alarms go off in Phil's brain. “Oh no,” he said.

Dan raised his eyebrows. “What is it?”

“I forgot to bring dog food.”

* * *

Despite how much both Dan and Phil liked Milo already, neither wanted to interrupt their plans to stay home and do nothing for the entire day. They couldn't leave the poor dog hungry, though, and Dan was scrolling through an article about dogs and human food.

“I know chocolate is bad,” Phil offered.

Dan eyed the bowl of chocolates and candy he was holding. “Well, that's half our options gone,” he said. “Do we have any pork or salmon? Apparently it's good for them.”

* * *

“Stop pressuring me,” Phil complained. “You're not Gordon Ramsay!”

“When it's about our son's security, yes I am.”

Phil sat on his haunches and went to get the salmon out of the oven. Dan slapped his hand. “It's not even _cooked_ yet! You're not feeding him that!”

“I feel like I'm on Hell’s Kitchen.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “We can watch something while we wait for it.”

“No, because then,” Phil said, pointing an accusatory finger at Dan, “you're going to complain that it's overcooked. Let's just wait for it right here.”

“No, you're gonna stay and watch the salmon,” Dan said. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “And _I'm_ gonna finish watching without you.”

Phil watched as Dan walked out of the messy kitchen. “This is why I won't propose,” he said to nobody in particular, and sat cross-legged in front of the oven.

* * *

Milo really liked the salmon, which was a relief, because Dan wouldn't budge from his spot on the couch even if he was paid for it.

“Your name, your food buying responsibilities,” he said. Phil flipped him off.

* * *

With night came another pressing question Dan, Phil or Milo couldn't answer. Milo was moving slower and wobbling from exhaustion—there was only so much jumping in front of TV a puppy could do.

“Where is he sleeping?” Dan asked. “Our bed?”

Phil nodded. “He can sleep with us for now, I think.”

* * *

In the morning, Phil really, really regretted bringing Milo into their bed. Three things happened in very quick succession:

  1. He woke up because of Dan screeching and whining next to him.
  2. He noticed an extremely obvious, very wet stain in the duvet, right over Dan's stomach.
  3. He smelled the horrible stench of ammonia all over the room.



Milo sat in front of the door, wiggling his tail and biting the carpet. Phil groaned into his pillow.

Maybe he should've paid more attention when the store clerk talked about Milo’s well-known bladder problems.

_Too late to regret that,_ Phil thought, and got up and ready to clean the entire room.


End file.
